Spartacus [TV / DVD review]

I was having trouble figuring out what to review tonight, when I finally decided upon a TV show that ran from 2010- 2013 on Starz. I never saw it on TV, and in fact I never saw a single episode until after the final season was over.

Skulls of the Shogun [Video Game Review]

I meant to review this game last month... when it was free for PS+ users. Whoops.

The Dunwish Horror and Others [Book Review]

That is the biggest image I can find for this book... sad.

Years ago, a good friend gave me a set of H.P. Lovecraft collections.
Due to circumstances, I only recently finished the first volume.

Ascension [TV Review]

Ascension was a 3 day long event on the SyFy channel.
I missed it. But thankfully we live in an age of Tivo and DVRs.
So, I recently watched this.

Better than Expected - A Double Movie Review

 Recently I watched a couple of older movies that I'd kinda wanted to see: The Watch and 47 Ronin. Neither are considered to be great movies, in fact they were considered to be the opposite of that.

The Newsroom Season 3 [TV Review]

Sunday the 14th of December, 2014, was the season and series finale of The Newsroom. This was Aaron Sorkin's most recent television masterpiece, and masterpiece it was.

FURY [Movie Review]

This may be the first movie in decades that I've actually gone with my father to see in a theater. He likes historical movies, but usually has no interest in actually going to the 'over-priced' theaters. And of course the seniors discount (a whole amazing $0.25 - wow!) was somewhat insulting.

Dracula Untold [Movie Review]

I have a joke for you.
What do you get when you have Bard (The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug) make a deal with Tywin Lannister (Game of Thrones)?

Curse of the Golden Flower [Dusty Shelf - Movie Review]

Well this is a first. This is the first Dusty Shelf review of a Movie. Normally I serve these for anime, but this movie is special. The real question is what kind of special is it?

Samurai Bride [Anime Review]

I never wrote about Samurai Girls, as it was an anime that I watched before I began actively writing this blog. However it is only because I watched it that I watched its sequel, Samurai Bride.

X-Men: Days of Future Past [Movie Review]

Two weeks with movies, in a row? Yes! It has been a while since two movies I've wanted to see have come out back to back.
This time I went to see X-Men: Days of Future Past.

Girls und Panzer OVA [Anime Review]

Back in March I reviewed Girls und Panzer.
The TV series, I quite enjoyed it.
I gave it four stars.

Girls und Panzer [Anime Review]

I had to get this an watch it. The premise is so weird that it just screamed 'Watch Me!'
Who am I to ignore such a weird anime?

The tanks are absolutely gorgeous.

I'll tell you who I am. I am a person who does not ignore the weird anime... well at least not most of them. So of course I picked up Girls und Panzer.

Archer VICE - Season 5 "White Elephant" [TV review]

I've been waiting to write a review for Archer for a while now. The time has arrived! The first episode of season 5 just aired on Monday, and now it is time to write. I chose not to write this for my typical Monday update (and that meant I did not have a Monday update, I've been bad, and very inconsistent) because it was on late night TV and I was never going to get anything posted before the day ended. That being said, read on.

Rurouni Kenshin: New Kyoto Arc [Anime Review]

I've been watching a backlog of Bleach & Naruto on DVD, so its been a while since I've written a review. I've also failed to make it to the theater, so no reviews from that front either.

But tonight that changes, I'm finally reviewing a relatively new anime blu-ray: Rurouni Kenshin New Kyoto Arc. More after the fold.

The Lone Ranger 2013 [Movie Review]

Our main cast... and Tim Burton's Wife?

 I've been putting off my review of this movie because of a variety of reasons.

Damn he's tall...

 But before we to the review lets do a short introductory plot synopsis.

The story of the Lone Ranger is told through the flashbacks of Tonto (Johnny Depp). Tonto begins the movie on display in a 'Wild West' exhibition at a fair where upon a young boy dressed in a mask, like the lone ranger, is surprised to find that not all the figures are fakes. The boy incredulous that Tonto is -that- Tonto, is told the Lone Ranger's origin story.

Now moving beyond the frame story. Our hero, John  Reid (Armie Hammer), is a lawyer returning from the east to his hometown on the as of yet unfinished Transcontiental Railroad. Unbeknownst to Reid, aboard the train are Tonto and Butch Cavendish. Butch's gang attacks the train, breaks him free (although he was already being helped), Tonto ends up in jail and Reid reunites with his brother, Dan, who immediately deputizes him so they can chase down Butch. Following so far?  

Butch Cavendish. Obvious Villian.

Oh yeah, he also reunites with Dan's wife, Rebecca (Ruth Wilson), creating a sorta love triangle thing. Maybe. Anyways... leaving Tonto in jail, the Reid brothers set off across the desert (which looks a lot like Utah, cause it is) with a sizable posse searching for Butch.

To wrap this up quickly, the posse is ambushed, everyone is killed other than John Reid, who is injured badly. Butch has a light lunch of Dan's heart. Tonto rescues John, who he calls Kemosabe. And off they go... the Lone Ranger is born. 

Deep conversation.

That covers the intro of the movie.

Now for my usual break down of the good and bad.  

I'll begin as I have before by numerating the flaws in the film.

- Frame Story: Not all frame stories are bad, some are very good, like the one in the Hobbit or the one from The Princess Bride. In the Hobbit, it really just frames the narrative, it begins and ends the tale, it does not jump in and interrupt the flow of the story. In The Princess Bride, it is used for humor, for exposition, and for actually framing the movie. In The Lone Ranger, the frame story was neither the nice simple framing of the Hobbit, nor did it pull off the timing and humor of The Princess Bride. At times it was actually jarring. You are watching a movie, you have already suspended your disbelief, you accept the occurrences on screen, you do not need a child breaking you from your suspense. At first you might even be tempted to accept Tonto's little scenes of 'Nature is out of Balance' as the quirks of story telling... yet the rabbits at the very end put this into question.

She appears to be wondering why she was in the movie.

- Forgettable Characters: The insane member of Butch Cavendish's gang who wears a bonnet had a longer lasting impression than Rebecca Reid did. Yeah, the sorta love interest, family ties interest... for a main character motivation, she did not come off as all that believable. A fact that our main hero seems to agree with in the very end.

What do you call a collection of prostitutes?

 - He's the Bad Guy! The Lone Ranger suffers from a common Hollywood malady I like to think of as Evil in the Open. TV Tropes calls this Devil in Plain Sight. You see there are two villians in The Lone Ranger, one is Obviously Evil, our Butch Cavendish. Meanwhile our other is a Villian with Good Publicity. And yet, you know almost at the very outset, the first time he opens his mouth that he is a Villian. Of course it will take our heroes over two hours to reach the same conclusion.

There's a lady on the moon in the cat house...

The scene from the trailer that no one forgets.

- Texas is NOT Utah! No seriously. I hate this motif in westerns that John Ford disseminated. Monument Valley is not the only place in the west. Stories told in Texas should not look like Utah. Of course... I could be nuts, since this might have taken place at Promontory Point, Utah. But if that's so... then why are Texas Ranger's there? You see why this is a problem? Our film takes place 'somewhere where Monument Valley & Texas Rangers, and the Comanche all live together.' (Take away Monument Valley, and the spike scene and it easily fits back in Texas.) These things bug me, because they take away my suspension of disbelief. When you start showing real places, but calling them other places... in a pseudo historical context... you lose me. Damn you John Ford.


Okay. Enough of the bad. Lets try for some good.

Bowler hats are cool.

- Anti-Corporatist Message. This I loved. The movie shows, not in the most subtle or thorough ways, the poisonous nature of corporatism. The treachery, the violence, the lust for power and money... This I liked. They could have done more with this, but they did enough... I guess.

- Johnny Depp. I'm not sure he's been in a movie I've seen him in since Sleepy Hollow, that he has not delivered a stellar performance. Not saying that Armie Hammer did not act well, he did a good job. Just simply put, he's not Johnny Depp.

- The Vileness of Subjugation & Racism Shown. The movie did spend some time showing how bad fear of the 'savages' could be, how exploited the immigrant laborers were (Chinese as was historically accurate, although I would have liked them to use the historical slang for them, Celestials), and how bad racism can get. It shows how people can use racism, specifically ignorance and stereotyping, to essentially motivate the army to wipe out innocent children. Did anyone else get the feeling this was talking a bit about the modern world? Yeah, me too.  

- The Extras. Soft spot for me. I have a friend who does extra work on historical movies, so I really enjoy watching the films to play the game of 'find my friend.' This time there were some excellent shots. So bonus points there.

I should also say that in general, westerns are never my cup of tea. I have a great deal of bias against them thanks to film school and John Ford (damn him). So keep that in mind.

If you like westerns, its worth seeing. If you like Johnny Depp its worth seeing.

The Lone Ranger (2013) gets:

3.0 Stars

Filmed in NM.

Tomb Raider 2013 [PS3]

Review Time!

This is the first game I've reviewed other than Mass Effect 3 (and I've only really reviewed its endings...) so this will be new.

Anyone else see Natalie Portman?

I suppose thios should be prefaced with me stating very clearly that I have Never played ANY of the prior Tomb Raiders. I've seen one played by someone else, but didn't really care.

This one was different, I kinda knew before I bought it, what I was getting into. I watch other reviews, and videos. So I had an idea that I would be getting an action / adventure game sort of in the vein of Resident Evil 4 (the best RE).

I shot every animal I encountered for XP and more...

Now, with any game there will be good and there will be bad.


I'll start with the good.


It's Beautiful. The scenery is stunning, the graphics are high end powerful and really just blow you away. Everything is very detailed.

Japan. There is a lot of references to Japan from various periods including the Edo period and WWII. Yeah, I'm giving a bit away, but games can always score points with me by using Japanese culture and artifacts. Fun times! The game is loaded with Japanese architecture.

Here you see some Japanese architecture exploding.

Problem Solving. A lot of the game is simple problem solving... path finding, detail finding. The adventure part, only not the old style of adventure games where you tried every item in your inventory with every other item in your inventory. This was more, 'how do I use what I have to get over there?'




It's Fun. Seriously... this might be the most impotant. Games need to be fun and engaging. There needs to be a reason to play them. I was never bored nor was I too often assailed by a stupid 'hit these buttons Right-Now or die' cut scene. Those frustrate and irritate me... because if you do not get it the first time out you can end up repetetively doing the same stupid event-death pattern over and over and over and over... Thankfully, and this is a good point, there was only one of those that really stuck out. Damn you parachute!

And more wonderful architecture...

Now sadly, the bad.




Super Linear Plot. Now I knew there was going to be liner plot, however there was mention of 'extra tombs,' that could be explored. I was expecting involved tombs with multiple puzzles and challenges to overcome. No. Each side tomb presented one puzzle that was never too difficult to overcome. There needs to be a break from the main plot aside from 'fast traveling' to get all the items in earlier regions. All that was needed was involved side-tombs.

Oh look, another easy side-tomb.

Craptacular Multiplayer. Wow, is the MP side of the game a letdown. It feels totally tacked on with no real consideration for quality play. Perhaps I've been spoiled with good add on MP, like that included with ME3. That was good MP, this is bad MP. Glaringly bad.

Rivers of Blood, you swim in them.

Voice Acting. Please for the love of my ears, train VAs in the proper way of pronouncing foreign words, this is very important when a game is filled with foreign words. 'Himiko' is not pronounced like a Dodge 'Hemi.' Thankfully, as the game progressed the pronunciation improved... that or my ears just adapted to the verbal abuse. 

No Replay Value. There is no reason to play this game a second time. The plot is done, the side tombs are simple, and the MP is bad. This is a major blow. I've played ME3 four times, and there has been something new each time. There will be nothing new for Lara in a new play through.


And the worst for last.

Phoning in the Ending. The game is set up as rather realistic (provided that you ignore the fact that Lara Croft would have broken every bone in her body like five times in the course of the game), you hunt for food, you die by falling, you get injured and need medical supplies, you only kill deer, birds, rats, rabbits, wolves, boar, and humans. No ghosts, no skeletons, no zombies. No Fantasy. Scientific journals are found on the island, military divisions researched the phenomenon that the game revolves around... but at the end, it devolves into fantasy mumbo-jumbo. It did not need to. It could have be resolved in a way that fit within the realistic world of the rest of the game. There is no magic until the last 5 minutes. That's as bad the damn Star Child in ME3, before the revised ending. The ending was totally phoned in... and it did not need to be. 

Look! More fire!

Here's the thing. I do not know how much Tomb Raider needs to be a fantasy series. I never played the originals, so I do not know if this is supposed to lead into a full reboot of the whole series.

That in mind, I have to review this as only I know it.


I do not think it is as good as the many scores I've seen on the net, everything from 9.5s to 10s. So I'll rate it in the same way, between 1 and 10.

Tomb Raider 2013 is a solid 7.9 for the overall feel, fun, and beauty. It loses on some wobbly voice acting, a total lack of replay value, and a badly phoned-in ending. Also, lets stop making games where you get bonus XP and rewards for slaughtering all the deer in an area... its a bad lesson.

P.S. I have this sneaking feeling that a lot of this was inspired by Uncharted (which I've never played).