Saturday, April 11, 2015

Helix "O Brave New World" (Season 2, Ep. 13 - Finale) [TV Review]

What is wrong with Helix? Is it just impossible for them to actually write a season ending that does not depress me? Is this the end for Helix, or will they find a way to wriggle out of the giant hole they wrote themselves into and write themselves a third season?

C'mon Peter/Eli, kick him while he's down.
Or stomp on his hand, whatever.
I am not being facetious.

Season 1 ended with what might have been the worst episode of the season, The Reaping.

Season 2 ends with what might easily have been the worst episode of the season. No, it was certainly the worst episode of this season.

2.5 out of 5 stars
This is a confusing, nightmarish, mishmash of events, tropes, and nonsense.

I took notes.

First lets start off with the things that were bad. There will be a number of these, as there was quite a bit of nonsense in this episode. This episode was very lucky I was taking notes, if not I would have missed half the show due to the simple fact that it could not hold my attention.

Remember, burn all your abbeys behind you.
Anyways, on to the bad parts.

- Hand-Job Girl did not die from the massive amount of insta-kill poison gas. As I feared, she was just melted a bit. Don't worry, she is still pure evil and completely stupid. This may be my all time least favorite TV character... ever.

- Why can't the toothless zombie women talk? Yes, they've had their teeth removed and a tube down their throats... this means they can't speak? They can only moan like a zombie? Really? This was just an excuse for zombies...

- I call bullshit on what was written on the sword, Densho. I paused the screen and tried to read the Japanese on the sword. I read the date the last time. This time there were small hiragana words on the blade. Caleb (Soren) read them off as if they were a series of letters in the anglophone alphabet. There is a problem with that. Let's say that he was reading CATG off the sword. What I should have been able to read on the sword would be something like this; シー  エイ  ティー  ジー. That is not what I read. That is all in katakana, and that is not what was on the sword. What was written on the sword was closer to きそち. The text on the sword was hiragana. I have no idea what was actually written on the sword word-wise... but the whole thing bugs me.

I won't become the thing I hate... oh, wait... too late.
-  The entire ending was telegraphed. Everything... except the whole bit in 2029. I knew that Caleb was Soren... and have known for a while. I knew that Jules was being played by Ilaria... I think she knew too. I knew the zombie women would attack Hand-Job Girl. I knew that Alan was going to end up as a silver-eyes. Nothing was surprising. Sure it might not have been telegraphed episodes out, but it was telegraphed. 

Not everything was bad... not everything.

 - Hand-Job Girl was held down and had her teeth removed by the zombie women while Lurch took the child away. Evil, dark, and inhumane, but honestly I felt no pity for her.

- Soren stabbed Peter/Eli. Good. Then Kyle punched him later. Also good. Sarah had the right comment on the whole situation, "Someone should have done that sooner."

Ah, Sci-fi creepy... futuristic breeding farms.
- In the Year 2029, things will be creepy. The fertility project obviously went well for Ilaria. I hated the commercial, but it worked (I hate all commercials). So now women come to Ilaria seeking treatment so they can have a child. They are taken into a massive white room filled with large machines and rows upon rows of containers. Yes, this is a science fiction version of the creepy breeder farm. And guess who is running it.


Damn it all.

So, here's the problem with this ending...
We have no idea what happened to Jules. Did she live or die? What has actually happened to Alan? He worked with Hatake, who is sadly dead, and has now disappeared. How can there possibly be a season 3? Of course I thought that season 1 did not lend itself to a sequel, and they made one anyways. And I watched...

So I guess the real question is this. Where and more precisely when will season 3 take place if it exists? Present day? +15 years? +30 years? Do we even want a season 3? Will it be as confusing as the last two? Will I watch it? Sadly, probably yes. Why? Because there are actually worse things on TV (reality shows, cable news, anything on the History [Ancient Aliens] Channel now days).

Oh, yeah. The title of the episode, if you were wondering, comes from Shakespeare's play The Tempest. In Act V, scene 1, Prospero uses magic to shipwreck his old persecutors on his island and humiliates them. He presents them to his young daughter who has only seen her embittered father and their deformed servant Caliban. Upon seeing them she remarks,

"O wonder!
How many goodly creatures are there here!
How beauteous mankind is! O brave new world
That has such people in't!"

To which Prospero responds, "'Tis new to thee."

Yes, such a brave new world that has such confusing TV in it.

Previous Helix Season 2 Reviews:

- S2 Ep. 1: San Jose
- S2 Ep. 2: Reunion
- S2 Ep. 3: Scion
- S2 Ep. 4: Densho
- S2 Ep. 5: Oubliette
- S2 Ep. 6: M. Domestica
- S2 Ep. 7: Cross Pollination
- S2 Ep. 8: Vade in Pace
- S2 Ep. 9: Ectogenesis
- S2 Ep. 10: Mother
- S2 Ep. 11: Plan B
- S2 Ep. 12: The Ascendent

Previous Helix Season 1 Reviews:

- Eps. 1 & 2: Pilot and Vector
- Ep. 4: Single Strand
- Ep. 5: The White Room
- Ep. 6: Aniqatiga
- Ep. 7: Survivor Zero
- Ep. 8: Bloodlines 
- Ep. 9: Level X
- Ep. 10: Fushigi
- Ep. 11: Black Rain
- Ep. 12: The Reaping

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